Sentimental Insecurities

 I feel like every time I see you we get farther and farther apart. Why is it like that I thought as we go along we're suppose to get closer but it's not happening. And now I have competition with someone who I so happen to despise because we're too different from each other and you seem to enjoy her company more than mine. It hurts okay! It hurts like hell. So I try hard to get other people's love which I get but only when I'm the only one there. Am I that depressing to be with? I know I'm not as cool as a lot of people but I do my best and I still feel sometimes that it's not enough.... Then everyone asks why I'm so unsatisfied with myself, well here's the answer I have never felt anyone appreciate who I am. I am always being compared and I'm always the one they find fault in. I hate it so fucking much I can't even say it out loud. I'm a person too and I deserve much better than how I am treated now. I wish things will start changing because I'm seriously getting depressed but not in the I'm gonna kill myself kinda way but in a I don't see anything pretty and worthy of your attention in me. My only consolation is that even through all this I've found a friend I completely trust and will not ever leave me in good and bad times! I have a funny family that'll never be ashamed of me even if I look like a pig! Uhhhhhh!!!!!!! I hate insecurities. I just has to let that out.... I know it went out of the main idea but WTH! YOLO... I want to start living life with no regrets and I want to be happy with what I have

Dreams of the Painfully Shy

I was in another room when something caught my eye, why were my taekwondo buddies crowding in there... But then I saw a brown mop tower all of them... Could it be Cricket? Curiosity got the best of me and i just had to find out... With a spark of hope in my heart, I went over... When our eyes met, I knew it was him. I knew those hazelnut brown eyes anywhere. They burned in my memory even after four years.... It was Cricket.... Probably a whole head taller but undeniably him... I probably only come up to his shoulder now but it was same floppy brown hair I used to imagine running my fingers through. After absorbing all of him, I couldn't stand it anymore...I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him, "Cricky I missed you so much". He hugged me back pulling me closer than I thought was humanly possible.... "I missed you more Teacup" he mumbled to my hair.. He kissed the top of my head and I stood on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek. He chuckled and gave me a squeeze... That's when I realized, he wasn't so thin anymore...I mean I wasn't fat anymore but I wasn't a stick. I pulled away and saw long lean muscles. Subtle but present. He let me go so I could hug my Guppy and my Mouse.... I missed them so much.... And they were so big already... Then everything settled down, me and my Cricky were left alone. Just happy to be in each other's presence once again... Then I woke up.... And I couldn't go back to the dream :(



PS: names were not given out because of privacy's sake