FATSHAMING

PRE-BLOG

This is a rant because my brother was an asshole to me. This might have a lot of fire because I'm fucking angry. I am 18 years old. I am 5'2". I am 170 lbs. That's to get it out of the way. YES. I am fat. Overweight. Obese, even. That's me. 

BLOG

I'm fat. FACT.

I should lose weight. FACT

I need to stick to a regime for things to actually work. FACT(and important)

BUT,

that doesn't mean, I'm ugly.

that doesn't mean, I'm less of a person.

that doesn't mean, I'm going to just take it when people talk shit about me. 

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A while ago, my brother asked me:


 "How can you look at yourself in front of the mirror when you look like that?"

I shot him down. (Don't worry, I'm not the type to cower.)

I told him: 

"I can look at myself in front of the mirror because I know that there is more to me than just what you can see in front of a mirror."

He backed down a bit but still had the nerve to add:

"But wouldn't it be nice to look good?"

I said: 

"Physical appearance doesn't amount to much if you go out in the real world"
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Why I was so pissed?

It irked me because my younger brother said that in front of my other brother and 2 ladies who we don't know.

 If you wanted to talk trash, you should have just told me. You don't have to share it to the whole world. 

Another reason why I was pissed is because he has never been fat in his life so he doesn't know how hard it is to lose weight.

This "tough love" shit you're pulling is not working. If anything, you're cultivating a negative energy that makes it hard to be motivated and encouraged. 

Lastly, it pissed me that just because he's naturally smarter and looks better, he can talk shit.

FUCK NO. YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO'S SO DAMN PROUD. YOUR PRIDE IS SO FUCKING HIGH, I DON'T KNOW HOW IT REACHED THAT HIGH. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT AND BRINGING PEOPLE DOWN WON'T MAKE YOU LOOK ANY MORE ATTRACTIVE.

I can look at myself in the mirror because I'm not ashamed of myself, I can honestly say, I kinda love myself. I love the person I am and I don't need you to tell me I'm ugly and fat. 

You make it so hard for me to love you even if you're my brother. All you care about is that everyone in the family is supposed to look picture perfect. Tell you what, a picture is worth a thousand words and each person will look at a picture differently so trying to fit into a "perfect" spectrum will not do anything. 

I'm unique. I'm me. 

I will lose weight. I will do it because I want to NOT because I listened to all the shit thrown at me. I want to be a healthy person. Mentally, physically and emotionally. 

FUCK WHAT THE SOCIETY THINKS.

My contributions in this world is not going to measured on what I look like and what I see in the mirror. 

I can do way better than that. 

Julia Quinn Book Obsession

I have been a bookworm for the entirety of my life. (At least, from what I remember.). I would say I read an array of genres that help in making me a diverse(ish) reader. One thing I can't deny though is, I have an unhealthy obsession. Julia Quinn books, the Bridgerton series in particular. I guess they're the typical love stories you would read all about that make you warm and fuzzy but they're short with compromising the character or plot development which I think is very crucial especially if we're talking about a series.

The Bridgerton series is set in the Victorian times wherein people went out in society and partied, most of the ladies looking for a husband and the young bachelors being forced to look around by their mothers. (Lol I'm so happy I don't need to go through this). Most of the time, they got married for political or business reasons but sometimes, it's a love match and that's just beautiful to see in the society that time.

Society treats everyone differently, good thing, the Bridgertons are influential and popular without being standoffish. The series talk about the Bridgerton siblings: Anthony, Benedict, Colin, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, and Hyacinth (yes, that's alphabetical, I loved it too.). They are the children of the Viscountess Violet Bridgerton who will do anything, anything at all to see them off, all married to respectable people (and what a plight it would be).

Of course since there are 8 children, there are 8 books.

My personal favorites are: The Duke and I and The Viscount who Loved Me. I would tell you why, but I would get too excited and give the whole story away but yeah I super recommend those 2 books out of the 8, not that the other 6 are bad, I just prefer the way the story went for these 2 books. 

Here's the correct order of reading:(I mean, they can be read separately but this is for maximum enjoyment)

1. The Duke and I

2. The Viscount who Loved Me

3. An Offer from a Gentleman

4. Romancing Mister Bridgerton

5. To Sir Phillip with Love

6.When He was Wicked

7.It's in His Kiss

8. On the Way to the Wedding 

Though those 2 books are my favorite, my favorite character is not the main character in those stories. My favorite is Colin Bridgerton. He is a nice, charismatic traveler who travels a lot and eats a lot. He is a closeted writer and he is absolutely hilarious(which pertains to a level of intelligence because you can't be hilarious without a little bit of intelligence). He is often misunderstood though but he figures out how to deal with it later and this man is just WOW. You could compare him to Mr. Darcy but he's a little nicer. 

Anyway, start reading! 

Warning though, there are some sex scenes( but they're not super smutty). 

I'm Not the Type of Girl Guys Like to Date

This isn't self-pity, this is, rather, self-awareness. I've just come to notice it so much now that I'm immersed in a new environment in university. Here are some reasons why:

- I'm too big sister/mom-like (I always remind people what to do and supply them with stuff they need like: paper, answers to homework, etc.)

- I'm a know-it-all (because I know for a fact that I'm smart, it's just that sometimes, it comes across as me correcting too many things and overanalyzing, to the point of nitpicking.

- I'm a creepy stalker apparently... (I have really good memory that keeps information in my head as long as I actually listen well so when facts about a certain person is asked and I remember the answer to that question. I come off as creepy)

- I'm boyish af (Being raised alongside 2 boys can do that to you. Along with a jock dad and a tomboy-ish mother.  I really don't know how to be feminine, even if I studied in an all girls school, boyish is just part of my nature.)

- I'm everyone's friend (I treat everyone the same. And I'm immediately at home with people most of the time. No one knows if I like them better than the next person because I'm too friendly to everyone. I guess that does make me hard to read)

- I have high standards (I don't like to settle. I really have a particular list of attributes that I cannot ignore when it comes to people I date)

- I come off as too strong  ( I look like the type that doesn't need a man to keep me happy or a person who relies on a man too much. And while that is true, I just don't want to be belittled because of my gender. I can't stand sexism. But not going to lie, I love it when a guy is a little chivalrous)

- I'm fat ( This not really a factor why someone would opt not to date me but it becomes one because of all the things previously mentioned.

Maybe there are more reasons why, maybe less but that's just what I think. I'm not saying goodbye to the possibility of dating and getting married but I'll come to terms with whatever comes my way. I'm not about to change myself to get other people to like me. They need to accept all of me and understand that change is inevitable and everyday, we grow into the people we're supposed to be.