This isn't self-pity, this is, rather, self-awareness. I've just come to notice it so much now that I'm immersed in a new environment in university. Here are some reasons why:
- I'm too big sister/mom-like (I always remind people what to do and supply them with stuff they need like: paper, answers to homework, etc.)
- I'm a know-it-all (because I know for a fact that I'm smart, it's just that sometimes, it comes across as me correcting too many things and overanalyzing, to the point of nitpicking.
- I'm a creepy stalker apparently... (I have really good memory that keeps information in my head as long as I actually listen well so when facts about a certain person is asked and I remember the answer to that question. I come off as creepy)
- I'm boyish af (Being raised alongside 2 boys can do that to you. Along with a jock dad and a tomboy-ish mother. I really don't know how to be feminine, even if I studied in an all girls school, boyish is just part of my nature.)
- I'm everyone's friend (I treat everyone the same. And I'm immediately at home with people most of the time. No one knows if I like them better than the next person because I'm too friendly to everyone. I guess that does make me hard to read)
- I have high standards (I don't like to settle. I really have a particular list of attributes that I cannot ignore when it comes to people I date)
- I come off as too strong ( I look like the type that doesn't need a man to keep me happy or a person who relies on a man too much. And while that is true, I just don't want to be belittled because of my gender. I can't stand sexism. But not going to lie, I love it when a guy is a little chivalrous)
- I'm fat ( This not really a factor why someone would opt not to date me but it becomes one because of all the things previously mentioned.
Maybe there are more reasons why, maybe less but that's just what I think. I'm not saying goodbye to the possibility of dating and getting married but I'll come to terms with whatever comes my way. I'm not about to change myself to get other people to like me. They need to accept all of me and understand that change is inevitable and everyday, we grow into the people we're supposed to be.
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